


Pull The Trigger

by clockworkSorrow



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Depression, Drinking, Drugs, Humanstuck, Hurt, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2013-05-02
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:31:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockworkSorrow/pseuds/clockworkSorrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm not even sure what I was thinking when I wrote this, it's a bit old and imported from my fanfiction account.</p>
        </blockquote>





	1. What Is Wrong With Me?

Gun in my hand, I was ready to set it off with a quick swipe of the trigger. My hand shakes as I pull it to my temple. _What's the point in living anymore? I'm tired of these motherfucking hallucinations, the racing thoughts, the motherfucking VOICES IN MY HEAD!_

A knock from the front door rolls through the living room into the kitchen where Karkat is making lunch. I get up to answer the door. "Hey motherfucker, how are you this mighty motherfucking day?" Sollux, Karkat's boyfriend, walks through the threshold and gives me a go to hell look from under his red and blue glasses. He says he wears the glasses because it fits his state of duality, whatever the motherfuck that means. He also wears two different motherfucking shoes, he's odd. I walk back over to the couch and plant my ass back in the middle seat and grab the remote off the coffee table. _Turn it to comedy central, kill yourself Gamzee, turn it to tlc, kill your friends Gamzee, turn it to cartoon network, kill yourself Gamzee._ The voices rang like chimes through my head telling me what to do. I've thought to listen to them sometimes, and then I think what would that help? I pick up my warm beer and finish it off. Shits nasty warm; well it's pretty nasty in the first place. "Gamzee, get your ass in here! I need you to run to the store, are you sober enough to go?" I stumble up to my feet and saunter into the kitchen nearly tripping over my own two feet into the open refrigerator. "I guess not" he says face palming. "Sol, babe, will you run to the store and get a bottle of olive oil and a some basil? I'm making pizza and were out." He hands over a ten to Sollux as he's walking out the door to his car. "Gamzee, you're a fucking drunk and stoner. I hope you fucking know that. You reek and need a fucking bath. God, why do I put up with a slob such as you?" I shrug and step away and head towards the bathroom. Slowly but surely I reach the threshold of the bathroom. I walk in a shut the door. I turn to the mirror; the face looking at me isn't me. It's a hideous gruesome face covered in smeared clown makeup. Its eyes are red from hitting the bong one to many times. I speak to it "What have I become" It mimics my movement to every point. _It is you, see what an animal you are? This is you now; you are this reflection, believe it or not. This thing is what you look like on the outside. Hehehe._ The voices ring through my ears pissing me off. I punch the mirror. From the kitchen Karkat yells "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT YOU IDIOT?" I open the door and walk out dripping blood from my gashed hand on the floor. "Karkat, I think I need to go to the hospital" I fall over, out like a light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure what I was thinking when I wrote this, it's a bit old and imported from my fanfiction account.


	2. What Is Wrong With Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This one is actually come out better than I thought. I'm hoping you guys will like it as much as YoUr LiTtLe QuIrKs. Well, don't forget to read, review, and follow! Thanks and enjoy!**

**This one is actually come out better than I thought. I'm hoping you guys will like it as much as YoUr LiTtLe QuIrKs. Well, don't forget to read, review, and follow! Thanks and enjoy!**

{Chapter 2}

It was late that night when we got back, Sollux was waiting inside to meet Karkat. "Where did you go? I was worried when I came back, you left the door unlocked, there was blood on the floor." He got up and embraced Karkat for a long while. I stood by the door, half-sober. "Get over here you big idiot." Karkat yells. I join he hug. "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier, it's just you're always drinking or hitting the bong or something. You're my best friend, all I ask of you is to try and clean up your act." Karkat doesn't realize that over the years since I met him in school that my schizophrenia has gotten bad. Then it was little hallucinations like a dog that wasn't there, or a friendly voice. Now it's voices roaring at me, telling me to do bad things, telling me to kill myself. Always screaming, always something, never motherfucking ending! I just want to splatter the walls with my brains to get them to stop. I've pleaded to them to stop; they don't listen. I pull away from the hug and go to the kitchen. I look around and see the knife Karkat left on the counter I grab it. Right at that moment Karkat turns around and runs towards me, "GAMZEE NO! DON'T DO IT! Please, don't. We can get you help! Just…." He starts crying "Please, don't do it. You're my best fucking friend; I can't lose you. When I lost my brother Kankri I thought of doing the same thing to join him. If you kill yourself, I may just join you." Sollux comes up and takes the knife from me and sets it back on the counter. "What about Equius, what about Nepeta, what about Aradia? What do you think they would do if you offed yourself? What about your friends?" Sollux looks down and shuffles, Karkat looks at him. "We've got to do it, he can't." Karkat and Sollux leave the room to the hallway to talk. I hear a few points of the conversation "We'll have to take him to the hospital."

"He can't stay here"

"It's for his own good"

 _You know what they're doing; they're sending you to Red River. Finally your motherfucking gone! AHAHA! You get to deal with us within the white padded walls._ Kurloz would know what to do. I pull out my phone and text my brother. "Kurl, they want to send me away. What do I do?" I hit send and wait. I go back in the kitchen, I happen to look at the clock. It's almost eleven; we were at the hospital for almost 6 hours. My phone vibrates in my pocket, it flashes "1 new message" I flip it open, It's not Kurloz, it's Nepeta. "Hey furriend, I heard about the hospital. Are you okay?" I reply with a simple yes and go back into the living room and turn on the tv. _GAMZEE, why didn't you go through with it? You should have, just listen to us we know what's best. Oh look, Karkat is coming in here. He's just going to tell you he's sending you away. AHAHA! FUCK YOU GAMZEE!_ Karkat sits on the couch next to me and puts his arm over my back. "You know you've been going off the handle lately right? We know you don't mean to but we've been thinking we may ask Rose and Kanaya to come over and try and help. If that doesn't they Red River will be the last resort. Do you understand? We do this because we care, not because we hate you. I get up and go to my room. I grab the bong off my desk and the grinder on my dresser and load up a bowl. The first hit is always the sweetest, the best of all. I hear the voices starting to soften, the high coming on. I take another hit and it's cashed. I lay back on my bed and enjoy this buzz.


	3. What Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I'm sorry for the lack of updates guys! I'm back now and I'll try and get the next chapter of YoUr LiTtlE QuIrKs up... Here's chapter 3 of Pull the Trigger, enjoy! Dont forget to favourite and review!**

**I'm sorry for the lack of updates guys! I'm back now and I'll try and get the next chapter of YoUr LiTtlE QuIrKs up... Here's chapter 3 of Pull the Trigger, enjoy! Dont forget to favourite and review!**

{Chapter 3}

I awake to voices again. _Gamzee, you've got to get a grip. Listen to Karkat and Sollux. Give Kanaya and Rose a chance to help you. You don't want to go to Red River; you know what happened last time._ Kurloz's voice was soothing. My big brother. I was told when I was young he wasn't alive and he was dead. He's not. He was around every moment when I was little. He's my brother; he's very much alive. I won't listen to them. A knock on my bedroom door awakens me from my little world. "Hey Gam, It's me Rose. Can I come in?" she opens the door and Kurloz walks out. "Don't go Kurl!" she turns as he walks out "Bye Kurl, nice to see you again" She rolls her eyes and turns back to me. "So Gamzee, Karkat said you've been slipping again, is this true" she walks in and sets at the chair next to my desk. "I guess. I wouldn't really call it slipping. I mean if Kar wants to call it that, let him. I feel fine." She pulls out a note pad from her purse and scribbles down some stuff. I grab the bong of the desk and refill the bowl. "Gamzee, can you for one moment not be stoned or drunk? It's really unappealing." I shrug off her advice and light it up anyway. She gathers her note pad, purse, and pen to leave. "You don't have to leave motherfucker, you can take a hit. Honk" She gives me a go to hell look and takes her leave. I light the bowl and clear the chamber. As soon as I exhale Kanaya walks through the door. "Gamzee will you put that trash down for ten minutes and talk to us like a normal, at least half normal, person would?"

"Oh come on motherfucker, like I told your girlfriend, I'll share." She turns and walks out, not another word said. He thinks to himself " _No one to tell me what to do, I'll smoke all day and drink all night if it keeps the voices away."_ Karkat walks in and sets on the edge of his bed "God damn, that shit reeks! Gamzee, you need to talk to someone. You've been getting worse and I'm thinking we may have to take you back Red River." My whole expression changes to pure anger. "YOU FUCKING WOULDN'T! You don't know how they treat me there!" he scoots closer to me and takes the bong, setting it on the desk.

"Gamzee, you know I'm your best friend. I can't lose you. If you keep going in the route you are now, you'll end up doing something stupid. At least think it over." He gets up and walks out, a single tear running down his face.


End file.
